the blooms are all dried up now

well, daaang. february was not such a hot month for this bird. i won't go through the dark and bleak details of the past 3 weeks or so, but my latest writing post pretty much says it all.  on a completely other note, i do have some rather good news. i "provisionally" got accepted to my first choice transfer school and am currently waiting for the follow-up package in the mail. and also, i found a potential place of work. yay for good news!

so with spring arriving early (thank you mr/mrs groundhog!) i am getting excited for snapping some photos outside. these winter months can really make you feel like a bear in hibernation. i've been mostly taking pictures inside the comfort of my room, but the lighting is never good enough. i'm not sure if i've mentioned this before but i'm trying to better affiliate myself with manual photography. it's definitely a growing and learning process.

during my hiatus i planned some future projects with friends so i am excited about those to get started. additionally, i've been doodling and painting in my new sketchbook that my best mate got me for my birthday. i'm learning to find things to ease whatever storms my mind conjures up. let's hope they stick.

xo Kat

unspoken february

photo by luisa brimble

it's been awhile since i've written because this headache has lasted

too long, sending ocean waves crashing all through the fissures of

my skull. the salty smell of the ocean now leaves me

nauseous. the month of february has never been my favorite as the

skies grow heavy with rain clouds, paralleling the storms between

my veins and bones. it seems like nothing these past days, not even

the words of winter, could have helped unreel the savages i left tied to

my wrist. they gifted me with bruises and track marks, but i

disguised them with painted flowers before they could reached the

crook of my elbows. as the magnolia's fade so does my morbid

state of mind, the bottled up tears, boxes of letters i never mailed

out, all flowing downstream. watching this month's nightmares drown,

the taste of early spring leaves me falling for better endeavors.

// originally posted here (on my tumblr)

diy // floral crown

for over a year now, i have been DYING to make my own floral crown, just dying. i blame rookie mag for my obsession (not really). anyways for my birthday, my uncle in canada sent over some early birthday money. and you now what the first thing i did was? you guessed right, to buy floral supplies for my crown! i filtered through a handful of diys on this little project all over the interwebs, but james of bleubird vintage had the best diy tutorial post. she explained everything so well and with pictures! besides, this wasn't my first time handling decorative blooms. i took two years of floriculture in high school, so i had just as much fun getting back to the old days of twisting floral tape over wires.

hope everyone is have a lovely and bright sunday! for those on the east coast, do stay warm!

xo Kat

saturday sounds // haim

if you havent' heard the brilliant sound that is haim, then i am ordering you to go listen to them now! i mean, you can do whatever you want, but seriously though check them out. three sisters: este (oldest), danielle (middle), and alana (youngest) form the band. but besides their blood bondage musical talents, their music is truly beyond amazing. when i first heard their song forever, i thought it was from some 90s girl group. nope. it was just of last year. their nostalgic and dreamy sounds really get me in the dancing mood, taking me make to my younger years. i promise you will not be disappointed.

check out their soundcloud here!

xo Kat

ps. currently listening to the few songs they have on repeat while doing some work in my sketchbook

pancakes

today was national pancake day and so my siblings and i hopped over to ihop and had just that, pancakes. it was weird because we just went there for the pancakes and then just left. no payment or anything; except donations, of course. since the amount of pancakes were so little, we also munched on some taco bell. aha we probably sound like a bunch of fatty food monsters. but besides all the food, it was nice to have some quality time with my younger brother and older sister. we don't do much of it nowadays because of our clashing of schedules. so today was definitely needed.

hope everyone had a lovely national pancake day! even if you didn't get pancakes.

xo Kat

comfortable enough to snap mirror photos

i used to dread walking into fitting rooms at department stores and having to take off my clothes to try on clothes. the thought of seeing my body displayed on a floor-to-ceiling mirror, noticing every scar and stretch mark and bruise made me hate my skin. especially with the bright lights shining on me, highlighting every detail more. ugh, i cringe. but that was over a year ago. now, i feel less like the dough boy and more comfortable with my body.

the journey's been a long one, but i am glad to have gotten this far. i'm learning to accept certain incidents and let got of the heavy weight that's been holding me down. i think that's why it was so difficult for me to snap outfit photos and blog about it before because i was so up-and-down with my weight issues. the difference i know now is to not let the little things bother me, but rather learn and grow from the experience. sometimes, i have to remind myself that i'm still young, that i need to enjoy my days now before everything begins to settle. sheesh, i'm only 21 and i'm worried about which dress is more flattering on me or if i should curl or straighten my hair. i honestly can't wait to graduate college and worry about finding a job for my career and how to pay back all my student loans.

cheers to what may lie ahead

xo Kat

love lust

i wrote this after reading loose girl by kerry cohen

photo by worteinbildern

another shattered heart, another lingering touch only to end in shame. why

do i do this? she repeatedly asks herself. why put myself in the arms of

a boy who never kisses me? to only be looked upon in the shadows of his

bed? warm tears stream down her face, her skin feels foreign after'

every intimate midnight delight. the burst of ecstasy all but fade to quickly,

and she's off onto her next hunt. she begins to hate herself, cursing at

the reflection of the girl who looks lost and unsure. cursing at the face that

no one will want her enough to last. this need, this empowering need of

affection and love and belonging commands her body, her soul. lips bruised

and sore from the hard touch of men, the heavy weight of their silhouette.

she was loved once, many hears before when innocence and lingering eye

contact were romantic. but it wasn't enough. because it never is. the

assurance of his attention, his touch became boring. she wanted

adventure, a new scenery to look upon. but what she got were lonely

mornings feeling empty and hollow, the sun never to warm her bones.

she know's she will be loved someday, she knows there is hope. but 

for now, she waits along dirty bar walls scoping out for the attention of another.

// originally posted here (on my tumblr)